just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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