so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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