I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
