Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have already put on my inside pants.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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