So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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