No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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