CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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