bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
