thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Pooping to opera.
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