youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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