why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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