a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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