don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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