Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
