I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
