this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
