I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
