puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
