So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
