We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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