Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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