woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize