Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
