There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
