I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
