I don't usually arrange sex via text message
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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