I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
