Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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