The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
