Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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