I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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