I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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