She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
