he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Drunk is a universal language darling
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
