im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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