nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
