I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
