Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
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i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
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Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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