why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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