toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
