Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Randomize
