Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
