My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
