college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
