Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
