Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
