in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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