We're facebook friends in real life
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
