Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
