For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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