So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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