Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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