Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
