just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
