the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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