dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
