You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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