so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
