You're completely useless in the revolution.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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