Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
