just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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