Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
as a side note pls kill me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
