I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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