I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
