ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
