who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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