Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
