somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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