Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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