You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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