Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!