i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.