oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
