If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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