I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
