sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
