you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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